the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
