Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
false alarm, still single
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
