you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
