i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
false alarm. still invincible.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
