That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
