just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
