There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I love having hate sex.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
