shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize