I am spending my child support on dildos
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
