He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
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Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
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My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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