Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
