Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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