i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
