I just cut my nipple shaving
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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