Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
