oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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