Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
