i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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