I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
