my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
