Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
