i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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