hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
