My first STD was from a foam party
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
