Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
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