I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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