Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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