Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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