Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
