Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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