Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
