she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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