I feel like abortions should bother me more
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
