he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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