All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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