writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
