I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
