that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Two words: blizzard sex
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
