I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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