i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
