when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
