even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
