If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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