do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
