just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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