Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
