I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
