I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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