I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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