It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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