weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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