Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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