what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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