gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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