WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
